The hard process of moving on
by Hmz0975
Summary: "Bells this behavior is not normal. You need to move on Kiddo." The line that completely changed her life and put her in the path of the shy boy who sat across from her in the library.


A/N: Embry phased before Edward left Bella and joined Sam, Jared and Paul. Everything else that has happened till Edward leaving Bella remains the same.

'_If you don't see the book you want on the shelf, write it.'_

_-Beverly Cleary_

"Bells this behavior is not normal" said Charlie with a tearful voice, sitting on my bed in my room "Shutting yourself up like this, staring outside a window, these nightmares…" he sighed heavily leaving the last part unsaid. There was no need for him to continue. We both knew the words unsaid and I shuddered heavily thinking of the nightmares that taunted me every night reminding me of what I had lost.

For once I reacted to his voice and took a glance at him. He looked terribly tired. His eyes were pained and had huge dark circles underneath. It looked as if he hadn't slept in months properly instead of days. He was exhausted and the guilt that I was responsible for this was killing me on the inside. He did not deserve this and I felt ashamed of myself for behaving like a spoilt child when he was already dealing with so much on the work front. Being the Police chief of even a small deadbeat town like this was not an easy job and I had been just adding onto his troubles instead of reducing them. What had happened to me? I was not like this when I lived with Renee. She was the flaky one and I was the mature one. What changed?

"Kiddo people break up all the time. It is a part and parcel of life" he said softly "You can't lock yourself in a room and expect it all to go back to how it was. It does not work that way. It has been a week since he left now. I thought you needed the time to get back to yourself but you have to come out of your mourning period now. You need to move on kiddo and try to live. I know it hurts. I understand but sitting here and thinking of him will not get him back. He left but you are still here"

I closed my eyes as a few tears made their way down my eyes. I clutched my heart tightly wrapping my arms around my torso. It hurt too much to think of 'him' to think of my 'family'. It felt like my heart was tattering to pieces. It had only been a few days since my life changed so drastically but it felt like forever. How could I move on from that and without him was I even really here?

"It hurts too much" I whispered hoping that the pain would disappear if said out loud but it still remained pulling me down, making me wallow in my misery. My throat felt dry as I emitted the first words I had said in an entire week. Saying these four words felt like a huge task and a part of me wanted to just shut up again. Staying quiet was good. No one could understand what I was going through. No one could understand what secrets I was forced to keep.

"I know baby girl. I know" he said coming and standing next to the chair that had been my haven for the past week, lightly running his fingers through my tangled hair that badly needed a brush "When Renee left me I was devastated too. I thought my world had ended but it had not in reality. I was still breathing and living. There is no way out Bells. Change is the only constant and we have to change with time. Relationships end people change and sometimes love ends too"

"He loved me dad" I said strongly or at least I hoped that he had loved me even though he said he didn't want me in his life.

He shook his head "I am not saying Edwin didn't love you Bella. He must have but the point here is that love is sometimes just not enough in life. Hard decisions have to be taken. What do you think Renee didn't love me or I didn't love her? We loved one another but we knew that what we wanted from life was different and love was just not enough anymore for us. If we would have stayed together it would only have led to unhappiness and pain and neither of us wanted that. Sometimes distance is better than staying together and suffering and we had you to think of. We didn't want to end up like those couples who cannot talk for a few minutes without attempting to pull one another's throats out"

I almost rolled my eyes at his mispronunciation of 'his' name. Both of us knew that it was done purposely to irritate Ed… him.

"Why didn't you move on dad?" I asked curiously looking at him. For years I had seen my father pining after my mother hoping that one day she would come back to him. If he could never forget his first love how could he expect it from me? I was his daughter after all.

He chuckled softly "Bells who told you I haven't moved on?"

I looked at him in shock with my eyes widened "You have?"

He nodded his head "Moving from one relationship to another is not the only way to move on Bells. Moving on also means letting those memories go and I let them go a long time back. I like to live alone. I like the freedom. I chose this life after Renee left. I work, meet my friends and colleagues, watch sports, drink beer and do everything what I want to do. I was never good at relationships Bella. Renee was my first serious relationship and that too in my mid twenties. That does not mean I have shut myself out from others. If I find someone I like I do go out with them but I am not actively searching for love. I am a happy bachelor and now that you are here living with me I am happier than I could be. For me finding that one person is not a priority. My work is my priority, you are my priority and I have chosen this life"

"But the house, the furniture?" I shouted in disbelief "You changed nothing" Wasn't that a sign of him still pining after her?

"Calm down Bella. You have just started talking again. It is not good to shout so soon though I am happy to see some reaction out of you finally after so many days" he said sternly almost as if reminding me that he was still my father "And I did not change anything because I am terrible at all this home décor and everything. It looked decent so I kept it going but if you don't like it we can get it changed"

I gaped at him in disbelief "That's it? I thought you were still in love with mom after all these years that's why you refused to change anything"

He looked at me with something akin sympathy "Bella no one can mourn another, their entire life. Be it death or just a simple separation. One day everyone has to accept that life has changed and you need to move on no matter how much you loved them. He left you but you are still living and breathing"

I shook my head hastily "I am as good as dead without him dad. I can't let him go. He is my forever. I am nothing without him"

Why couldn't Charlie understand this? Ed… he was my life.

"Look at me Bella" he said harshly forcing me to look up "Think about your mother think about me how would we react to seeing your dead body, to seeing you lifeless? There is nothing more painful for a parent than to see their child's lifeless body. It is devastating and would kill Renee and me. You are our child Bella, we loved you even before you came into this world and if something happens to you…" he trailed off hiding his face with his hands to mask the pained expression that was covering it.

"Dad" I said guiltily. Were my decisions hurting my parents? The guilt of choosing to fake my death to become like Ed… him seeped through my mind. How would Charlie have reacted and Renee? She was neurotic, flaky, and childish but she always let me know that I was extremely important and loved by her. She was so worried about me when I moved from Phoenix to here. My death would have truly hampered her in an indescribable way.

"Tell me what should I do dad?" I said guiltily. I would do anything to make Charlie feel better. I had hurt him enough in these past months and it was high time I paid up for it.

"Take a small step but take it in the right direction" he said "Try to move on and become what you are meant to become in life and promise me Bella you will never think of taking your life again. Suicide is the coward's way out and every time you feel weak talk to someone. I am here for you and so is your mother. If you don't want to talk to us you can see a professional or anyone you trust. Just don't do anything in haste"

I shook my head "Dad I promise I am not thinking of ending my life"

It was partially a lie and partially the truth. Yes my life was incomplete with Ed…him, without Alice, without Emmett without the rest of my family but I could never do that to Charlie and to my mother. They deserved much more than this.

He gave me a nod with a sigh of relief "You need to start living for yourself Bella. Not for your mother and not for Edwin. Choose yourself this time and let him go"

I shook my head whispering "I can't. He was my forever. I am incomplete without him"

"Forever's don't leave Bella and never by choice" he said in a soft voice "I know it hurts but it will get better"

His words reminded me of the times when as a child I used to come here in the summers. Being the klutz that I was I was always falling down and hurting myself. Charlie would make me sit on the counter, give me some ice cream and clean my booboo whispering these same words.

A new determination filled my being. I would do this for Charlie if this was what he wanted. I would at least give it a try. No more wallowing in my own misery. No more sitting at this chair staring outside and hopefully no more nightmares.

"How do I do this? I don't know" I said confused. Where do you start the process of moving on? I had observed classmates back in Phoenix going through breakups and patch ups from afar but I had no idea where to start. There was no manual written for a girl whose ex left her in the woods after breaking up without even giving her closure.

'Ex' the words rang in my ears. That's what Ed…he was. Not my present and not my future. Just a part of my past that will years down the line become as insignificant as any other memory of now. The harshness of these words hurt but I knew the sheer honesty in them. He didn't want me. I was just a mere stupid human, a toy he got bored of and threw aside. Maybe Charlie was right. Was I pining after a lost hope who got rid of me when I became too much to bear? No Ed…he loved me but then why would he leave me like this. I had told him that what happened with Jasper was nothing still he chose to leave, very selfishly that too disregarding my feelings as if they did not matter even an ounce.

Charlie chuckled softly bringing back my attention to him "Okay baby steps" "First things first it is okay to cry. Letting it out is good, bottling it up and keeping it in is bad. Why don't you try talking to someone about your relationship? It will help. If you don't want to talk to a professional you can talk to me or maybe Sue Clearwater. She is a very good listener. Her daughter Leah is going through her own breakup right now. She will understand"

I shook my head. I could not talk to anyone about this. They would not understand. These secrets were not mine to share and sharing them would only put the other person in danger. No one could know of this.

"Okay" he said slowly as if thinking about it "You don't want to talk fine how about writing it down?"

I shook my head again. What if this reached the wrong hands? The repercussions could be severe.

"How about you write it down and then burn it so that no one else can read it?"

I thought about it for a minute. That could work. I gave him a small nod and he gave me a huge relieved smile in return which immediately melted my heart.

"I guess that would be for the best. It would almost be like burning his memories. Almost cathartic" he said

That was ironic to hear as burning was the only thing that could kill him and now it would kill his memories left within me.

"I will" I said in a small voice. A part of me was terrified. I could not let Ed…him go. He was my safe haven but another part of me wanted to see Charlie happy and for once I did not want to be selfish. If this gave him happiness I would do it. Heck if at this point my jumping off a cliff would give him happiness I would do that too.

"I am proud of you kiddo" he said smiling "And from tomorrow you are coming for a morning jog with me"

"What" I said shocked and appalled "I have not exercised in a year"

He gave out a small laugh "Exercise is not just for the body Bells. It refreshes the mind too and it works wonders for your confidence. Actually I was thinking of enrolling you in the Forks gym. It is not massive or anything but it will be good for you"

"Whoa" "Hold on there" I said bewildered. Jog gym all this was getting too much.

"Give it a try Bella. If it doesn't work out leave it" he said with full surety and I reluctantly nodded my head giving up for now.

"Good now shower and come downstairs. I am tired of eating alone. I will make us something to eat" he said leaving the room as I sighed. What all was I going to endure now to leave a smile on my father's face?

X-X-X-X-X-X

"Kill me now Charlie" I said groaning to myself as I finally managed to sit down on the couch in our living room. To say today had been bad would be an understatement. Charlie had woke me up at 5 in the morning as that was the time he generally went for his morning jog and half asleep I had followed him out barely managing to tie the laces of my new shoes bought by him especially for this. We had jogged on his routine trail for close to forty five minutes before he finally took mercy on me and decided to turn back towards the house. I had sighed in relief when I saw the house coming in sight but no that had not been the end of my misery as Charlie had decided to drop me at the local gymnasium before he reported to work and so I had left the house again to suffer some more. The Forks gym was not massive by any angle. It barely had any machines more than the usual ones but this was the only gym in town so all the locals used it. I had run on the treadmill before using the elliptical and finally doing fifty squats. How I managed to do all this being how unfit I was I had no idea but by the end of it the muscles in my body that I had not even known existed were paining. I was done and dusted but I would be lying if I said that it did not feel good. For the first time I felt like I could do something. I was not some delicate doll who would break if touched that Ed…he had made me to be. I had successfully managed to avoid all the stares that came my way and had also spoken to the trainer there. He was a Quileute guy from the reservation nearby named Sam. He looked around 25 and was heavily built almost as if he spent hours and hours making his body which as a matter of fact I think he really did.

Something about him seemed familiar but I could not quite place him. He had stared at me with something that looked like recognition before he came over to set a workout routine with me. But then again I was the Chief of police's daughter who dated the infamous Cullens. He would have had to live under a rock if he had never heard the rumors about me.

"Good day Bella?" said Charlie chuckling as he made his way towards the couch with a beer in his hand switching on the TV on his way.

'Don't snap Bella' 'Don't snap' I reminded myself 'He is still your father who cares for you'

"Fine" I said a bit more harshly than needed

He just gave me an amused look "You will get used to it I promise. The beginning is tough as your body is out of practice but you will soon start enjoying the workout. You can also try aerobics or a dance workout if you like or maybe yoga. There are often classes held for these things and it is extremely relaxing"

"Dad I have zero coordination" I said giving him a pointed look and I still could not understand how this was supposed to help me get over Ed…him.

"Give it time, your body will get back in shape" he said returning back to watching TV and drinking beer

"I am thinking of starting writing" I whispered as the expression on his face changed and he shut the TV to look at me.

"Write everything down, the good the bad. What you liked about your relationship what you disliked. His bad habits, the time you spent together and then burn it all"

"He was perfect dad" I said with a small sad smile. An angel fallen from the sky who was too good to be true.

"Everything that glitters is not gold" he said looking at me "Remember this in life and there must be something about him that was annoying. Maybe his boring taste of classical music or the fact that he behaved like he was 117 instead of 17 and we all were immature children in front of him or I know maybe the fact that he was controlling and borderline manipulative" he said with venom in his voice.

"Dad" I said rebuking him. Ed…he just worried about me more than necessary. He was none of these things.

"What? I am just giving you suggestions but Bella there must be something that you did not like or found mildly annoying about him. You don't have to write it down today. Moving on will take time. Start with the easy stuff. That is easier to let go"

I nodded my head and walked towards my room to begin the process of healing. I took a paper and a pen as I sat on my study. What could I write about? Our love no that was too painful yet, a fresh wound per se. The easy stuff Charlie said, maybe I could write about moving here from Phoenix and the first day of school. Yeah that would not be as painful as anything else.

An hour later my eyes were red from all the tears I had shed and a couple of papers were filled with my handwriting as I wrote of my first day of school in Forks High, meeting Angela, Jessica, Mike, Ben, Eric and seeing the Cullen's during lunch and finally the biology class where I had sat next to 'him'. Every memory was now fresh in my mind as I thought of how cheap and unsure of myself 'he' had made me feel at that moment and how much I had been hurt by his behavior. Even though now I knew why he had done that, at that moment it had hurt a lot.

"Goodbye day one in Forks" I said aloud as I lit those papers on fire letting those bad memories free in the air.

The next week passed by almost in a similar fashion. Jog with Charlie in the morning followed by an hour in the gym where Sam made me workout like there was no tomorrow no matter how much my body hurt later and then writing down of the events of every day passed since I moved to Forks. Charlie had deemed me unfit to go back to school yet as there would be no escaping from the memories that that building held but Angela had come over once with homework for me and we had spent a few hours talking about everything other than the Cullen's or Ed…him. The nightmares were few to none as by the time I laid down to sleep I was exhausted by the events of the day and sleep came easier than it had ever come and that was a big relief for both me and Charlie.

Today was the tenth day since I had decided to move out of my self imposed isolation and I drove my truck back from the general store in Forks to go home. I had decided to get back to my routine of cooking and cleaning now that I was trying to get better and truly Charlie was terrible at it. That man could burn water if left alone. It was a miracle that he had survived living alone all these years.

I was passing through the main market in Forks when my eyes accidently fell on the old building I had often seen in passing 'The Forks Library'. It was nothing exceptional like the library I had volunteered to work in, in Phoenix but it was the only library in Forks. The closest library after this one was in Port Angeles.

I don't know what made me stop outside the newly renovated one level building but it was almost like my feet magically decided to stop, like some pull pulling me in. I had never been in here but something was forcing me to enter and I just could not bear to ignore the pull.

I parked my truck outside as I took my first step in. It was as I had expected it to be small and cozy with a few computers, a few wall length bookshelves and a few armchairs placed near a fireplace. There were a few people sitting and reading but I ignored them as I made my way towards one of the bookshelves. It had been so long since I had read anything other than Wuthering Heights. Ed…he had regarded everything other than the Classics as trash and somewhere down the line to please him I had stopped reading anything new too, sticking to the one book he approved of so that I would not disappoint him by my subpar tastes.

What had happened to the girl who loved reading and writing because I was just a shadow of her. Her fondness for books had known know bounds. Yes she loved Wuthering Heights but she still loved reading something new when she got the chance to. Who was I if I was not her?

My eyes fell on Little Women by Louisa May Alcott and I quickly took it out of the bookshelf. How much I had loved this book growing up. The story of four sisters named Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy and their struggles growing up and finding love. Why had I stopped reading this? Had I been so involved in 'him' and the Cullens to let go of my first love of reading?

I took the book in my hand as I made my way towards one of the armchairs sitting on it and turning to the first page like an excited child. The words felt familiar as I took them in and warmth I had not known existed settled over me as I read about these familiar characters and the story of the March family.

A cough in the distance made me look up and my eyes met with the person sitting across from me. His black eyes were captivating and I felt myself unable to look away. He was clearly Quileute with his russet skin and black cropped hair and for a minute he reminded me of my trainer Sam. They looked almost related. The expression on his face kept changing between shock, surprise, elation and adoration leaving me in a daze that neither of us could break. He could not stop staring and I felt myself in the same predicament. There was something about him that was just forcing me to keep looking as if my eyes could not let him out of my sight afraid that he would disappear if let go.

It could have been a few seconds or maybe minutes before I realized that I had been rudely staring at a stranger and I blushed diverting my attention towards my lap again. It was so unlike me as I shied away from talking or interacting with new people that I was surprised by my own reaction. I tried concentrating on my book but it was a failed effort as I could constantly feel eyes on me. Not the rude stare that made one uncomfortable but the loving one that you wished was always on you.

'What is wrong with me?' I chided myself 'Where are all these sudden thoughts coming from?' 'I don't even know the man' 'But then again I would love to get to know him' said my traitor mind confusing me. I had never faced such an instant attraction like this. Not even to Ed…him.

I sighed as I forced myself to look at the book again. It was truly a failed effort as I could no longer concentrate on anything. Instead I just decided to issue this book and read it at home when my brain was in the right place.

I got up from my armchair as I made my way towards the bookshelves again. I had decided to take up a new resolution. It was not a new year but it might as well have been for me. It was a new beginning at least and the new I had decided to get back to reading and writing and the first step to that was to read something that I had never read before, a new genre that I had never crossed before for whatsoever reason. It was time to get out of my comfort zone even if it was in the smallest way I could. With this determination in mind I searched through the shelves in front of me looking for the perfect book.

"You will like this" said a strong deep voice making me shiver and look at the man I could not take my eyes off, standing next to me with a book in his hand. His warmth spread through my pores as he looked at me with a beautiful smile on his face that instantly brought a smile on mine numbing me as I just stared at him.

"Here take it" he repeated in a soft voice making me blush and I felt like an idiot for not being able to respond before. With shaking hands I took the book from him and looked at the cover 'Tell me your dreams' by Sidney Sheldon.

I looked at him in surprise before looking at the book again. He did not look the kind to read books with the muscles he had on his body. It was a surprise albeit a good one.

He gave out a small laugh which made him look even more beautiful "Don't look so shocked I like reading and I have a feeling you will like this book"

I gave him a nod as we stood opposite one another staring again for god knows how long. What was wrong with me? When did I start behaving like this in the presence of strangers?

"I come here every Friday at the same time so if you like the book maybe you can come back and let me know. It will feel nice to know that my suggestion helped someone" he said in his deep voice which instantly soothed my nerves.

I gave him a rare smile and a nod. Sure this was not the genre I generally preferred but then again something inside me told me that I should trust this man even if it was in something as mundane as choosing a book.

He sighed heavily taking a deep breath in as if memorizing every feature of mine before turning back and walking out of the library. I too soon issued the books in my hand thanking Charlie for thinking ahead and getting me a library card and walked back to my truck thinking of what had just happened and why was I a mess.

The next week was terribly slow moving as I was still not allowed to go to school by Charlie. He wanted me to be a bit more ahead in the process of 'moving on' as school would be the hardest to bear with the amount of time I had spent there with Ed…him and Charlie did not want me to fall down that pit again. Luckily my grades had been good and I completed all the homework assigned to me which Angela and occasionally Jessica brought with them. The Gym and the morning jog had become like a routine that I had come to enjoy and one of the strangest things was that I often felt eyes on me when I jogged, not the evil shuddering stare but the warm one that that stranger in the library had made me feel. I could swear that I had also seen something resembling grey fur in the trees nearby during my jog but I jotted it down to paranoia. Another weird thing that had occurred was my trainer Sam's look a few days back. I could almost see amusement like he knew something I didn't. I had just rolled my eyes at his usual weirdness and had gone to pick up the weights.

The book that I had issued that day in the library was soon becoming one of my favorites. A small part of it was due to the fact that that beautiful mesmerizing stranger had given it to me but a larger part was because I had never known that I would enjoy this kind of writing and I desperately wanted to know how an unknown person would know that I would have liked something like this.

Today was finally Friday, the day my mind had been waiting for anticipatorily and I could do nothing to stop myself from worrying. I still could not understand why I was so impatient to see a random stranger but I had just given up on logical thinking at this point.

I drove to the library half an hour before the scheduled time though it would have taken me just a few minutes from my house but for some reason I just couldn't wait any longer at home. Maybe it was the excitement of finding another book lover I convinced myself though it was not very convincing even in my own head.

I soon entered the library searching mercilessly to see if mystery man had arrived and I sighed in disappointment when I realized that he was not here yet.

I sat near the fireplace with the book in my lap as I unconsciously started biting my nails letting my thoughts waver 'What if he had just said it for the sake of it and did not mean to come today?' 'Sure I was overreacting he had said it in a friendly manner and I had perceived it as something else' 'I was an idiot for leaving everything and waiting for him here' 'If Ed…he did not care why would some random stranger?'

"You okay?" asked the voice that I had heard several times in my mind this past week

I nodded my head looking at the ground unable to meet his eyes again due to the mess that was revolving in my head.

"You sure you look lost?" he said in a worried tone "I am sorry I am late got caught up in work"

I gave him a nod again whispering that it was okay. He surely did not owe me anything.

He sighed before sitting on the armchair opposite me "So you liked the book?"

My mood drastically changed as I thought of what all I had wanted to tell him in this respect "I loved it" I said excitedly like a small child "And the twist was amazing. I actually thought I was reading about three different women till that part came when it was revealed that she was one only person suffering from multiple personality disorder" I shrieked out in surprise as I rambled "The ending though was chilling when she escapes from the asylum and says that rhyme which one of her personalities used to say before committing a murder" I said with a shudder

His face held a huge smile as he listened to me talk about the book "Yeah that is the specialty of Sidney Sheldon. You know the one thing that stands out in his books? Most of his books are based on female characters that are strong and independent just like a woman should be"

"You really think that about women?" I whispered

He gave me a small nod "My mom is a single mother who is also the strongest woman I know. She never made me feel like there was something she could not do growing up. She was and is my hero"

"Wow that is so sweet" I said with a genuine smile "You know I lived with only my mother too growing up. I hardly saw Charlie, my father once a year" I said shaking my head at the time I had lost with my father due to living in different states and then due to me being a moody teenager.

"The Chief is a good man" he said making me blush at the fact that he had known who I was "Anyone can see that he loves you a lot"

I nodded my head whispering "I know". I had taken my father for granted a lot this past year but now no more of it. I was going to give him the respect he deserved.

"I never thought I would enjoy this genre you know" I said sitting back on the armchair changing the topic

He just gave me a nod and a smile in return

"How did you know I would like this?" I asked curiously

He shrugged "Just had a hunch you could say"

"I don't even know your name yet and I told you so much about me" I said shyly

"Embry, Embry Call" he said with a warm smile putting his hand forward for me to shake

"Be… Isabella Swan" I said reciprocating the smile and shaking his hand

As my hand was enclosed in his I felt tingles pass through my entire body almost like mini electric shocks and from the expression on his face I knew he had felt it too. It was gratifying as if my hand was specially made to fit in his. He held my hand for a few minutes before reluctantly letting go and I immediately missed his warmth.

"Isabella" he said softly caressing my name making me blush. For some unknown reason I had felt like introducing myself as Isabella to him and the way he had said my name made me feel like I was special to him almost like he cared about me. I had never like being called Isabella before but if this was how he was going to say my name I wouldn't mind being called Isabella. It was almost like our secret as if only he could call me with this name.

"So which is your favorite book?" I asked him changing the subject

"The three musketeers"

"Good choice"

"Yours?" he asked

"Wuthering Heights" I said "Favorite Author?"

"J.K. Rowling"

"Harry Potter fan?" I asked with a grin

He gave me a cheeky smile "Who isn't" "Yours"

"I like J.K. Rowling but prefer Shakespeare" I said with a small smile

"Ah fan of the classics?" he said in a teasing manner

"Didn't you get that yet" I said playfully. It felt good to talk to someone like this so freely. I had never spoken to anyone this freely before not even Alice or 'him'.

"You look good smiling. You should smile more" he said with the same adoring look on his face making me blush.

"So what do you do Embry? I figured you stay in La Push"

He gave me a nod "I am seventeen so I go to school on the res and work for the tribal council doing part time security work after school"

"You are seventeen?" I asked in shock "You look at least 25?"

"Hit a growth spurt a few months back" he said shrugging

"Wow that is some growth spurt" I said surprised "So what does La Push need security for? The crime rate is almost nonexistent I have heard" I said

He shrugged "You never know what kind of monsters lurk in the darkness"

I gave him a small nod as I realized how true his words were. He and most other people living in Forks and La Push had no idea of what kind of monsters frequently visited this area. I shuddered thinking of James and unconsciously my fingers rubbed against the bite mark he had left on my hand.

I heard a feral growl coming from Embry and I looked up to see a murderous look on his normally calm face. He was shaking almost as if having a seizure and I quickly got up from my armchair walking to where he was sitting.

"Embry you okay?" I asked worriedly, rubbing his arm in a calming manner a few times. I don't know how I knew this would help but I just knew it.

He took a few deep breaths as he held my hand in his bringing back the tingles again.

"Did your ex do that?" he asked looking into my eyes

I shook my head saying "No" not knowing what to say ahead or how to explain the bite mark on my hand.

He took a deep breath in saying "Okay" "Did Cullen ever hurt you?" he asked like it was the most important question in the world.

I shook my head whispering "Never physically" he had never knowingly hurt me physically but mentally and emotionally was a different matter all together.

He took a sigh in relief "I will never let him or anyone like him ever hurt you again"

It was a promise, a promise I somehow knew he meant to keep and I nodded my head involuntarily. Something about this moment was raw and honest as if we were baring our souls to the other to see.

"So tell me about your work?" I managed to speak out after a few minutes of silence, changing the topic afraid of these new feelings that were making them known.

"We are four of us as of now Sam, Paul, Jared and me but more will join in the coming days. We just patrol the reservation to make sure everything is okay"

"Sam? Is this Sam Uley the gym trainer?" I asked

He gave me a smile "One and the same. He is the oldest and kind of like our leader and older brother. His fiancée Emily often mothers the rest of us and most of the time we are all at their house chilling and eating the food she cooks"

"Sounds good to have such a family" I said missing the Cullens. I had seen them like my family even if they had only seen me like a human pet and nothing more and it was devastating to see them leave without even saying a goodbye.

"You should meet Emily and Kim, Jared's im…girlfriend. You will really like them. I think you and Kim have a lot in common"

"Yeah?" I asked unsurely

He gave me a nod "My friends are their friends"

I gave him a small smile. 'Friends' sounded good and it would not hurt to meet new people. "I would like that"

He just gave me his beautiful smile in return.

"You know even I am thinking of finding a job. I worked in Phoenix in a cafe but for some reason I never got around getting a job after moving here" I said a bit sadly. I had been a very independent person back in Phoenix but I had become something completely different after moving here. I had become this sad dependent person who could not think for herself. I had never known that this side existed within me and a small part of mine did blame Ed…him for bringing it out.

He was quiet for a few minutes as if thinking about it "My mom owns a souvenir and antique shop between Forks and La Push and just the other day she was telling me that she needed someone at the counter as the last one left abruptly. If you want I can talk to her?"

"Yeah that's great" I said cheerfully as we exchanged numbers. I really wanted to get back to how I was in Phoenix and getting a job was surely a positive step.

We spoke for some more time about our lives and he told me about his two best friends Jacob and Quil making me blush at the realization that his friend Jacob was the same Jacob Black who I had flirted with on the beach. I had not seen him in months now though Billy kept coming to our house.

After what seemed like an hour or two he looked up at the wall clock sighing "I need to get back now or Sam will have my head for dinner"

I gave out a small laugh "Yeah even I should get back. Charlie will be wondering where I went"

He got up to leave but I spoke out his name stopping him in the way.

"Yeah?" he asked turning

"Last time you gave me a book to read. This time is my turn" I said with a smile handing him a book I thought he would like.

"As you like it by Shakespeare?" he said raising his eyebrow

"Thank me next week" I said with a sudden confident wink. Where did this sudden confidence come from I had no idea.

He gave me a smirk "Next Friday same time?"

"I will be here" I said with a smile

"I will be waiting" he said before he turned and walked out of the library

X-X-X-X-X

An entire month passed by in a blur and I had certainly started to smile and live more. Gym was good even if Sam had made it his personal mission to torture me with the workout he suggested and I had even voluntarily taken up a yoga and meditation class where I learnt relaxing techniques to calm myself whenever I felt anxious. I had started going back to school and Angela had been like a true friend in this time of need and always cheered me up when she saw that I was feeling a little low or was lost in my memories. Ben and Angela who had been dating for a while now made sure that I never fell down 'the pit' as Charlie had put it when I was in school.

Work was also blissful too now that I had been employed by Tiffany Call in her shop. Tiffany Call was one of the most fearless women I knew of and I could see why Embry thought so highly of her. She was also a no nonsense straightforward person who believed in calling a spade a spade. Without sharing the details of the supernatural world I had spoken to her about my relationship and breakup on our lunch breaks and the one thing that she had told me was 'if a man cannot accept you for what you are he does not deserve you in his life. Never change for someone who will not change for you' and her words had made me think of what truly was my relationship with Ed…him. Was it even a healthy relationship or was I more involved than him?

My writing and burning of memories was also going good as I wrote everything down. My expectations, my regrets, my feelings, how I had felt when James had hunted me down or when Ed…he had saved me from being raped in Port Angeles. Everything I could not tell anyone I wrote down and later burnt it, feeling lighter every time a paper was lit. The only thing that I had not yet been able to change was saying 'his' name. It still hurt but I was working on it and I was confident that I would overcome it very soon.

Embry had soon become a very good friend and we had been meeting up at the library every Friday for the past four weeks now though he often dropped by at his mother's shop when he was free from work and even Charlie was happy to see me go out and talk to someone other than him or my mom who I had started emailing again.

Every Friday we would meet at the same time to exchange notes of what we thought about the book before talking about random topics like movies and music and finally exchanging a book again when it was time to leave. I had read The Godfather by Mario Puzo and Life of Pi by Yann Martel on his suggestion and he had read Great Expectations and Hamlet on mine.

Embry was soon proving to be everything Ed…he was not with his patience and willingness to listen. When I spoke to him I actually felt like my opinions mattered and he truly cared to know of what I thought and he always knew when the topic was getting too heavy and needed to be changed as if something internal told him this. For him my comfort and safety was important but he did not treat me like a damsel in distress who needed someone to save her at all times.

I had still not got around to meeting his friends though I had met Emily once when she had come over to the shop and we had instantly connected. She was nineteen and had just moved here from Neah Bay and had recently got engaged to Sam. She was a very kind soul and somewhat reminded me of Esme who I tried hard not to think about these days.

"Bells" said Charlie's voice from the living room bringing me out of my thoughts "We have guests"

I rolled my eyes. The only guests we ever had was Billy but still I humored him and made my way downstairs only to see a man in his forties who I vaguely recognized as Harry Clearwater, Charlie's fishing buddy and a woman in her late teenage years standing behind him. She was extremely tall for a woman and had long waist length black hair that complimented her russet skin. She also had a permanent scowl fixed on her face.

I assumed that she must be his daughter Leah who had recently broken up too.

"Hey" I said shyly and the girl's scowl only intensified

"Bells, Harry and I are going out for a while to meet some fishing buddies. This is Leah Harry's daughter, same age as you. We thought it would be good for you both to bond considering you know…" said Charlie as I gave him a pointed look which he ignored and made his way towards taking his fishing gear. Both he and Harry soon disappeared leaving us both alone.

"Hi I am Bella" I said introducing myself with a shy nervous smile. Something about Leah Clearwater just intimidated me and I wanted to scream at Charlie for doing this. It was not like I was not talking to anyone anymore and needed his intervention.

She looked me up and down as if judging me "So you are the idiot who fell in love with Cullen"

"Umm" before I could say anything she interrupted me

"And I am the idiot who fell in love with Sam Uley. I guess the saying is true 'Birds of a feather flock together' and we are birds of the same pathetic feather" she said with disdain in her voice

"Sam? I thought he is with Emily" I said before I could think it through and her scowl just intensified.

"He is now with her. Can you believe it she is my cousin? I mean what kind of bastard sleeps with his girlfriend's cousin and best friend a day after he breaks up with her and then moves in with her two weeks later"

I stared at her with my mouth open "He did that. He does not look the kind"

She gave me a nod "Looks can be deceptive. Look at Cullen only, he looks so sophisticated and well mannered but he still left you in the woods to die of hypothermia"

I gave her an embarrassing look as I thought of everyone in town knowing of this. I guess nothing was private in small towns. I nodded my head though agreeing with her. He did not look the kind but still was.

"Do you have some wine?" she asked sitting on the couch "I need to rant. Mom and Dad are strictly team Emily and Seth is too innocent to hear me abuse Sam Uley with every colorful word I know of"

"Charlie must be having but I don't think you should drink" I said unsurely

"Who said only I am drinking? Both of us are drinking" she said with a smug expression

I shook my head with shock "I don't drink"

"Never" she asked

"Once with Renee but nothing more"

She gave out a small laugh "You need to live Swan and didn't Charlie tell us to bond. Bring out the wine"

I stared at her for a few minutes waiting to see if she was joking before deducing that she was in fact serious and making my way towards Charlie's stock of Alcohol, hopefully he wouldn't notice the difference. I shook my head thinking of what I was doing and why but still I removed the wine bottle and two glasses before making my way back.

"Even Ed…he was a nincompoop" I slurred through my speech. I was not completely wasted but I was sure tipsy "I really think he was impotent too. I mean nothing happened when we kissed or when I almost tried to give him a striptease. I would feel it you know…"

She gave me a serious look which was funny because she was wasted much more than me "What did you call him?"

"Ed… I can't say his name. It hurts" I said putting a hand on my heart in a dramatic way

"Say it" she shouted

I shook my head. I could not.

"Say it damn it or you will never let go" she shouted again louder this time making me cover my ears in fear

"Edward" I said in one go before I could stop myself

She gave me a big smile "See you did it"

'Yeah' I said to myself celebrating it like it was an accomplishment

"Damn you are scary" I said hesitantly

She just gave me a laugh "I know and it works for me"

I just gave her a nod. It sure did.

"You know what we should do?" she said "Throw out everything that reminds us of them. All the mementos have to go"

"Great idea" I slurred

"I read somewhere it works" she said sighing and resting her head on the couch

"Yeah" I asked

She just nodded her head as we sat there in silence and soon I felt my eyes get heavy as if I was passing out. Sometimes just letting go felt good.

X-X-X-X-X

Two weeks later a car honk brought me out of the house and I looked in shock at Leah Clearwater sitting in the passenger seat of an old sedan waiting in my driveway.

"Leah?" I stared at her in shock "What are you doing here?"

She just gave me a confused look "I thought we bonded that night anyways I need someone to come with me to Port Angeles. You in"

"Umm okay" I said hesitantly "Just let me ask Charlie"

To say Charlie had been a happy camper the last few days would be a lie as he had instantly noticed the missing wine bottle, his passed out daughter sleeping on the couch and his best friend's daughter puking her guts out in the bathroom. Needless to say I had got a lecture on underage drinking and had been grounded for only Charlie knew how long.

Surprisingly when asked Charlie said yes in fact offered to give me money to spend in Port Angeles too. I quickly changed and grabbed my purse and made my way to the car outside to drive to Port Angeles with my newest unexpected friend.

"So why the trip to Port Angeles?" I asked

She sighed "I threw everything out you know that reminded me of you know who so now I need new stuff"

I gave her a nod. Even I had thrown out the rocking chair, every piece of clothing that Alice had given me and every small or big thing that reminded me of Edward or of the rest of the Cullens. Maybe this shopping trip would help me too.

We spoke about random topics throughout the short distance and soon reached Port Angeles. I realized that Leah was a lot like me when it came to shopping and there was no time wasted trying clothes that we did not need.

After buying all that was on the list we ate a quick lunch and made our way back towards the car only to have Leah stop in her tracks.

"You okay?" I asked her as she pointed towards a salon before touching her long hair.

"Don't do it Leah" I said shaking my head knowing what she was thinking of doing

"It has to go" she said in a sad voice "He loved my long hair"

"You will end up regretting it" I said trying to make her realize. Even I had got this thought but had pushed it aside. It was not worth it.

She shook her head as she repeated "It has to go"

I reluctantly followed her in the salon as she asked the stylist to chop down her long tresses. Very soon her waist length thick hair was reduced to a chin length bob and she looked different but good and much more relaxed.

"Thanks for being there for me" she said as we sat in the car

I shrugged giving her a small smile

"It hurts you know" she said in a small voice "We were together for four years and Emily was my best friend"

"I am sorry" I said though I knew that my apology did not change anything. She just nodded her head as she kept driving.

"Why did you do it?" I asked Sam Uley with disgust in my voice, the next day in the gym

"Do what?" he asked looking at the paper in his hands

"Leah"

He suddenly looked up with surprise on his face before his expression changed again to the stony mask it generally was.

"It does not concern you" he said looking again at the paper in his hand

"How could you Sam? She loved you so much and you just threw her aside" I shouted not bothering to see who was listening in to our conversation.

He sighed "You want answers?"

I nodded my head. Leah was a friend and she did not deserve to be treated like this.

"Fine come with me" he said taking my hand and pulling me out with him

"Where are you taking me?" I shouted as he ignored me and led me towards his car

"I am the Chief of Police's daughter. He will definitely come looking if you kidnap me" I said as he started driving.

He just gave me an amused look "I thought you wanted answers"

I nodded my head in agreement

"Then you will have to come with me" he said as if it was the last word

He drove towards the reservation finally stopping outside a cottage and getting out of the car

"Embry" he shouted loudly as Embry followed by two other boys came running out of the cottage. They were just wearing cutoffs and were barefoot. I blushed profusely taking in Embry's appearance.

"Tell her Embry" said Sam looking at Embry. Tell me what? I thought Sam would be giving me the answer.

"You know she is not ready" said Embry sighing "The wolf knows…"

Wolf? What were they talking about?

"She needs to know. Tell her" said Sam in a heavy voice before going inside the cottage with the two other boys.

"Tell me what?" I asked curiously

He took a deep breath "Come for a walk with me"

I nodded my head as we started walking

"Just keep an open mind okay" he said as he led me towards the beach.

X-X-X-X-X-X

"Em can an imprint be broken?" I asked as I leaned into the man lying down beside me in the hammock.

He looked at me with a scared expression on his face "You having second thoughts Iz?"

I just gave him a grin before pecking him on the lips "Nope. I told you two months back that I accept the imprint and my decision is always going to remain the same"

Two and a half months back Embry had told me the truth about shape shifters and imprinting as we walked on second beach and I had left that day asking for time. I had stayed away from Embry for close to ten days before coming to the conclusion that I actually liked Embry and I could not have asked for a better life partner and so I had let Edward Cullen go completely out of my life and out of my mind as I drove to the reservation to find my silly wolf.

He just cuddled me close to him as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"So why are you asking then?"

I sighed "Was thinking about Sam, Emily and Leah"

He gave me a nod telling me to continue

"Sam and Emily are happy when you observe them from far but have you noticed the sadness that is there in their eyes sometimes when Sam looks at Leah or Emily talks about her life in Neah Bay"

"Yeah I have noticed it too" he said "You know now that I think of it the Elders never let us see the documented books of the older pack. They just informed Sam that he was tied to Emily forever when he imprinted on her. They did not even give him the opportunity to fight it or think about pursuing Leah"

"You think they are unhappy?"

"I don't know" he said taking my hand in his "But I had once seen in Sam's thoughts that Emily had just broken up with her boyfriend in Neah Bay when he imprinted on her and the elders convinced her that Sam could never leave her and would be the perfect boyfriend in order to make her accept the imprint"

"But that is wrong" I said

He just nodded his head

"I wish we could see the old pack's documents" I said as I played with his big hands

He sighed as he wrapped his arms around me burying his face in my hair taking in my scent. We had still not told each other the three words 'I love you' but I knew that it was true and there underneath the surface.

"So which book are you reading this week?" he asked as I laughed

X-X-X-X-X-X-X

"Lee will you just listen to me" said Sam in a frustrated voice as he chased Leah down First beach. Leah just ignored him and kept walking muttering to herself how annoying Sam was.

"He is whipped" said Paul laughing as he pulled Emily who was sitting in his lap closer to him

"Like you can say" commented Jared with a smirk on his face kissing Kim, as Paul scowled

A few weeks back finally Sam had demanded to see the documented records of the last pack and we had found out that an imprint could actually be broken if the woman imprinted on wanted it and without hesitation Emily and Sam had broken their imprint knowing they were better off as friends. Kim and Jared were in love and did not want to break the imprint and neither did Embry and I. A few days after that Paul had asked Emily out on a date and now they both were officially together surprising everyone.

"You think Leah will forgive him anytime soon?" asked Embry

"Oh he will have to grovel badly" said Paul laughing as Emily hit him in the chest.

"Don't be mean, Paul" said Emily in her strict voice as Paul sighed giving up.

"Whipped" mumbled Embry under his breath as he and Jared started laughing.

I looked at Kim who gave me 'are these guys serious' look. I smiled as I looked at Embry and my new family as we lazily sat on first beach on a rare sunny day.

I could not thank the stars enough for sending me into the library that day month's back and making me meet the shy boy who sat across from me.

'_Never cry for someone who hurts you Just say "Thanks for giving me a chance to find someone better than you."_


End file.
